Dr. John Gerstner, in Volume 3 of The Rational Biblical Theology of Jonathan Edwards, presents this prayer as a reflection of Edwards’ thinking in regard to seeking after God. He calls it “The Seeker’s Prayer,” as opposed to the highly popular “Sinner’s Prayer.” Perhaps it is an honest diagnosis of the human condition.

Dear God, whom I hate with all my being precisely because you hate and threaten me with hell, I hate this punishment perhaps even more than I hate you. Or, maybe I should say that I love my comfort even more than I hate you. For that reason I am asking a favor of you. I want you to make me love you, whom I hate even when I ask this and even more because I have to ask this. I am being frank with you because I know it is no use to be otherwise. You know even better than I how much I hate you and that I love only myself. It is no use for me to pretend to be sincere. I most certainly do not love you and do not want to love you. I hate the thought of loving you but that is what I’m asking because I love myself. If you can answer this ‘prayer’ I guess the gift of gratitude will come with it and then I will be able to do what I would not think of doing now—thank you for making me love you whom I hate. Amen.

“Remember, therefore, it is not your hold on Christ that saves you — it is Christ; it is not your joy in Christ that saves you — it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument — it is Christ’s blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to your hand with which you are grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to your hope; look not to your faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith. We will never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul.”
-C.H. Spurgeon

This quote is particularly moving to me, as it brings great glory to God.

First, Spurgeon points out that it is not our ability to hold on to Christ that brings us salvation, but God’s holding on to us. We have not “attained” Christ as if we had the ability to reach and take hold of Him, but God has mercifully rescued us from harm’s way and continues to keep us close in His arms.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6 NASB).

Next, Spurgeon notes that it is not our joy in Christ that produces salvation. We don’t “earn” favor by rejoicing in God. Instead, it is God who fills us with joy; it is a gift from His hand, given to us along with His precious salvation.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).

Thirdly, Spurgeon goes so far to say that it is not even our faith in Christ that saves us, adding, however, that it “be the instrument.” We’re not saved by our faith, in a self-righteous sense, but by God’s grace, operating through faith. Salvation is not of ourselves, but of “Christ’s blood and merits,” working through the faith He has given us. To be specific, faith itself doesn’t save us—God does. This is by grace.

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8 NASB).

When meditating on salvation, we dare not look to ourselves, lest we try to steal the glory from God. Instead, we need only look to Calvary, upon the Cross on which the Lamb was slain. Simply put, we are helpless to raise ourselves from eternal death; our beautiful, undeserved salvation is God’s doing.